Faced with thousands of stimuli each day, maybe each hour, we use a process that helps us absorb a new stimulus and move on to the next. The process involves searching memory for similar stimuli, finding a match, and attaching a label.
An unknown someone appears at the doorstep: Oh, he’s selling something, don’t bother answering the doorbell.
Sullen clerk in a store, mid-20’s in age, lots of piercings: High school dropout, living at home sponging off parents.
Gray-haired person contemplating a cart full of groceries: Grandpa can’t remember where he parked or how he’s going to carry those heavy bags.
We’re usually wrong, but that doesn’t matter to us because we’ve already made our decision and moved on.
Compassion
The labeling system we use so readily keeps us from using a powerful human characteristic: compassion. By “knowing” all we need to know about the person observed we fail to inquire, listen, and engage with people. Our natural instinct to connect is short-circuited.
One key reminder that helps me is this: Everyone is doing their best. It may not be the best they’re capable of being, but at the time it’s the best they can do. We’re all doing our best all the time.
Sometimes my best is really great; other times is quite disappointing. But at the time it was the best I could do.
Thinking this way helps me see other people and observe their behaviors with new-found compassion. Everyone is doing their best.
Previous Posts on the Strength Challenge
I’ve Joined the Strength Challenge
Strength Challenge Day 1: Renewed Focus
Strength Challenge Day 2: Resilience
I always try to remember that you never know what someone’s story is. It can be hard sometimes but showing a little compassion and understanding is always going to be a healthier option than throwing out negative thoughts and assumptions about people we don’t even know that well. I agree that everyone is just trying to do their best at the time – great post!
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Thanks for your comments. That old Indian adage about walking a mile in another person’s moccasins applies here doesn’t it. Seeing things from another person’s point of view can be eye-opening.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.
Jerry
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I agree that most people are doing their best based on their situation and their coping skills. We do them and ourselves a favor when we experience compassion rather than disdain. Lori
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Thanks for your thoughts Lori. I like your insight that we do ourselves a favor when we engage and show compassion.
Jerry
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Great reminder! We are always giving the best we have in the moment and so are all others that are around us, even if we don’t believe it.
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Powerful insight and oh, so true. I must admit that I have days when the best I can do is not what I know my best to be. We surely must be reminded that others have those days also. It is part of the journey. Thanks for the reminder.
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Well said. Who is at their best each and every day? Yet we often judge others based on ours or their best efforts. Thanks for sharing your viewpoint.
Jerry
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